ME: I can’t stand you.

THEM: Can you be more specific?

ME: I specifically can’t stand you. ...read more

I don't want to fall in love, but I do want to stand on someone's porch in the pouring rain giving a heartfelt speech about my mistakes and begging them to take me back.

Try and maintain a healthy work/what passes for a life balance.

I'm always disappointed when I meet a clown and it doesn't try to murder me.

Turns out that my alleged “life coach” was just an old pile of rags.

Still the best advice I ever got...

My biggest concern used to be whether long-running tv series could stick the landing with their final seasons.

I wonder which one of my tweets is going to be made into a movie...

Yes, unsubscribe confirmation email, you should be sorry to see me go. I'm fucking amazing.

DAMMIT, forget to set a tweet for no replies, and returned to my own personal hell.