Medieval Europe Practically Invented Rap Battles And Crass Insult Comedy

Today's rap battles mostly take place on street corners and in Eminem's imagination, but back in olden times, it was high class entertainment. Called "flyting," it was often performed before Scottish royalty, most notoriously by poets William Dunbar and Walter Kennedy for King James IV. Their battle is shockingly familiar, hitting all the beats of a modern diss track in slightly more sophisticated language: Boasting of the speaker's superior skills ...

And all the devils of hell in fear shall quake
To hear what I shall write with pen and ink;
For when I flyte, some man for shame will sink;
(And he recited this while breakdancing.)

Lamenting the lack of their opponent's ...

Your traitor's tongue sings with a Highland screak;
/A Lowland ass could make a sweeter sound. /
(Not sure which type of ass he means, but it works both ways.)

And good old genital threats.
Soon you shall make amends to my cousin,
And let him lay six lashes on your loins
("Yeah, he's kind of a weirdo, but he's still my cousin.")

Aside from being sick as hell, this also put Kennedy in the history books for being the first person on the record to insultingly compare a person to excrement. Dunbar hit him back good, though. DJ, spin that shit: "Gray-visaged gallows-bird, out of your wits gone wild / Loathsome and lousy, as wet as a cress / Since you with worship would so fain be styled / Hail, Monsignor! Your balls droop below your dress."
("WHO WON?! WHO'S NEXT?!")

From: cracked ...read more