Ted Cruz is like if flop sweat was a person.

Whether or not you love Disney Land/World will tell me all I need to know about you.

I'm just so proud of how low we've lowered our standards.

I read a lot of alt-funny tweets.

Got alt-drunk last night.

I wish I was alt-asleep right now.

Why would anyone want friends or benefits?

I know this is an impossibly crazy scenario, but imagine if there were WHITE terrorists.

Impossible, I know, but something to think about.

Don't wear the hood to a white supremacist rally, you get fired.

Wear the hood and it's an admission you're KKK.

This is a real pickle. ...read more

Never be afraid to run from your feelings.

It really depends on which side of the double standard you're on.

Please make sure "to" place your quotation marks properly.